Keeping it real

Lately, I feel like I have been going about my days, letting the reality of Wyatt's diagnosis fall to the wayside. I still think about it every single day. I still hurt about it every single day. But, I feel like I have just been letting myself pretend that it isn't real. The other day, I found myself suddenly thinking "oh sh&*, this is about to happen" as if I had never fathomed the idea before. It's astonishing to me how this diagnosis can just change in my brain like that. How I can be fine some days, in denial other days, and depressed the rest of the days. The information is all the same, nothing has changed, so how the heck is that possible?

About a week ago there was some issues at my work regarding the fact that I had Wyatt's flyer posted to my door. I had put a couple of flyers in our break room when they were first printed, and noticed about a week later that they were no longer in there. I assumed the cleaning people had thrown them away, and never replaced them because I figured everyone had seen them, and there was one on my office door if anyone was looking for the information. Turns out, that was not the case. I work with two people who have been diagnosed with, and are fighting cancer. And there is apparently a perception that the company is favoring me over them, because I had this flyer hanging up. The company has not done anything to help us, or the two cancer patients I work with. So I am not understanding where that came from. But, I was angry that I was being forced to take the flyer off of my door, which faces inward towards my office. I was angry for quite a few days, actually. But now, I have calmed down about it, and moved on. The flyer and ultrasound photos still sit in my office, they are just not posted up for people to see, only for me to see. And I have decided that aside from the couple of actual friends in my office, my co workers do not need to be informed about me, or Wyatt, or our situation. I don't want to, nor need to, deal with any "office drama" about the situation, especially since here in a couple of months, I won't really be around there.

Other than that, things have been really good for us. The baby shower is just about finished up, as far as planning goes, and I am so excited for it to finally be party day (two more weeks!). We had a good, albeit different, 4th of July with some of our favorite people, and enjoyed the extra day off. Austyn continues to have a wonderful summer full of fun activities, and we are trying to stay cool :). We see the OB again in 2 weeks, and I am excited to check on Wyatt again. I am starting to feel the yuck of the third trimester, so being able to check on him will help me realize I am just in the third trimester, and nothing additional is wrong. He has been moving and kicking like a champion in there, so I think he is doing well. 

 

We have about 13 weeks left in the pregnancy, and while the "being pregnant is no fun" part of me feels like that is a REALLY long time, the "life is about to get even more scary" part of me realizes that Wyatt's arrival is just around the corner. And while his diagnosis, and planned surgeries and hospital stays, etc. scare the living daylights out of me, I am still excited to meet my 2nd son and to hold and kiss him. He's going to be beautiful and perfect, just like Austyn was the day he was born.