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Thursday, May 31, 2012

The anger is building

Slowly but surely I can feel myself getting more and more angry. Angry with people, angry with the world. Recently, we had someone very close to us tell us that we should terminate our pregnancy, and that we are ruining our lives, and tearing our family apart by fighting for Wyatt. I don't think this person was trying to be malicious, and is concerned for our happiness and potential heartache, but I don't agree with the way they handled the situation or the way they forced their unwelcomed opinion on us. I fully respect that everyone is entitled to his own opinion, but like with politics and religion, I don't feel such strong opinions should be pushed onto others. Especially in this case. I just don't think it's right to call someone up and tell them they should terminate their pregnancy. Call me crazy, but that's how I feel. Apparently everyone has decided to just pretend this never happened. No apologies necessary, no talking it out. Let's just all pretend nothing happened and go about our merry ol way. I don't think that's fair to our family. And I don't know if I feel this way because I am mad at the world, upset with life, or if I really feel this strongly about it.

I am trying to be fair. I am trying to realize that we have had a very emotionally draining week and a half, and that my nerves are shot. I really am. I just can't bring myself to tolerate such a scenario like everyone else can I guess. At least not right now. I don't like being angry like this. I want to focus my energy on preparing for Wyatt's arrival. On making his flyers, and doing research on HLHS, and on being the best mom I can be for Austyn. I feel like I am wasting energy being angry and I definitely need to figure out how to shake it.

I am just going to have to come to terms with the fact that some people aren't going to support us and our decisions. And I am going to have to cling to the large army of support we do have for strength. Otherwise, I am going to end up feeling as though I am doing this alone, which is far from true, and takes the much deserved appreciation away from those who are being absolutely amazing.

Since Austyn is on vacation one more night with his grandma, I think I will retire early. Just try to sleep this yukky feeling off. Tomorrow is a new day, and I don't need to let the little things get to me.

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