The Unimaginable

I am a pretty typical working mom. I am an accountant for a company in Commerce City (not one of those fancy shmancy accountants who makes a trillion dollars a year - but its a job, and it pays the bills). When I am not working, I am taking care of a household, playing, reading stories, giving baths, cooking dinner, toting my child from here to there, the works. DJ, my husband, is a pretty typical working dad. He is a receiving coordinator for a company in Englewood. When he is not working, he is doing the above mentioned parenting tasks, or is attending night school, furthering his dreams of being a police officer. Austyn, our almost - 6 year old - is a pretty typical little boy. He just finished Kindergarten, and when he is not in school, he is playing with us, being rambunctious, reading stories, practicing writing, playing with friends, watching movies...all those things that young children love to do. We abide by the law, we pay our taxes, we try to be upstanding citizens, and try even harder to be the best parents we can be. We are, for all intensive purposes, a normal family. Or so we thought.

I am currently 20 weeks pregnant with our second child. We tried to get pregnant for over a year, and were over-joyed when we finally got that positive pregnancy test. We found out we were pregnant two days before my 24th birthday. That was the single most amazing birthday present I could have ever received! Almost instantly, we were planning a baby shower, and a nursery, and choosing outfits, and strollers and car seats. The past 20 weeks have been so much fun! Ok...minus the morning sickness, and the inability to sleep, and all those other fun pregnancy induced "side effects". 

2 days ago, it was finally time for our 20 week appointment. We were finally going to find out if we are having a boy or a girl, and we were finally going to see the baby again. We planned ahead, we took the time off of work, and the 3 of us headed to the OB's office. We watched our baby move, and stretch, and even do somersaults. We watched as the ultrasound technician measured our baby, finding that our baby was growing just perfectly. And then.....we watched as our technician pointed out....it's a BOY! Austyn was SO excited that he is going to have a little brother. He said "I was right...I knew it was a brother". And then, the ultrasound tech got really quiet. She spent a long time watching Wyatt's heart. She took a lot of pictures. Then, she said she was all done. She said "I am having a hard time getting a picture of the 4th ventricle, so don't be surprised if the doctor sends you to a specialist. I don't want you to be alarmed, they just have better tools than we have."

We met with our OB. She explained that Wyatt's heart did not form correctly, and she was sending us to a pediatric cardiologist ASAP. She gave us a few more details, none of which really mattered, and none of which are important now. I was a sobbing, blubbering mess. I was trying to take in what she had to say, but all I could do was sob. Poor Austyn didn't understand what was going on. DJ was trying as hard as possible to be our rock. To be strong for Austyn, and for me. Our OB suggested we drop Austyn off somewhere, as she assumed we would not be hearing good news the rest of the day, and it would be best if Austyn was not there to witness it. So we did just that.

Then, it was off to the cardiologists office. We had a fetal echo cardiogram. We sat in a dark room, while yet another ultrasound tech took tons of pictures of Wyatt's heart, and didn't say a word. We just sat there silently, holding hands, trying to figure out what it was we were seeing on this screen, and what it meant. We met with the cardiologist, who had reviewed all those pictures and videos that the ultrasound tech took. 

And then it happened. The single worst moment of our lives. The cardiologist said "Your baby has a rare congenital heart defect called Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome". He confirmed what our OB thought might be going on. He confirmed that Wyatt's left ventricle of his heart simply never formed. He told us that our baby is not medically perfect. That our baby is sick. That OUR BABY has a HEART DEFECT. I had to repeat this to myself hundreds of times, just to make it real. "MY baby has a heart defect...MY baby".

In that instant, we went from being a "normal" family, to being one of those families you read about online, or see on TV. We became that family that has that one horrendous, unimaginable thing, happened to. And now we've got to find out how to deal with it.