Nearly 36 weeks

Well...we are getting there. I will be 36 weeks on Tuesday. We went to the doctor today, and Wyatt is doing tremendous. My fluid levels still aren't as high as they should be, but they were at a 8.70 today, up from the 7.13 we were at on Tuesday. Wyatt's movement and practice breathing looked amazing while we were there, and the ultrasound technician said "I couldn't possibly give you a better score on your biophysical profile". So that is AWESOME! We were supposed to go on the schedule today for our C-Section, but the office was super busy, and we didn't even see our Doc. We assume that when we go next week, she will put us on the schedule.

I got to the hospital early this morning, and was just sitting in my car waiting for the appointment time to come. I was on the phone with my best friend, and I saw a couple walk out of the hospital. The woman was pregnant, and crying, and the husband looked miserable. I told my best friend "I think I just witnessed a couple having a day like we had on May 22nd" (May 22 was the day we received Wyatt's diagnosis). When we got up to the doctor's office for our appointment, the woman at the front desk called me over, and wanted to ask me a question. She then proceeded to tell me that they had a couple who had just received a diagnosis, and she was wondering if I knew of any support groups or anything I could forward on to them. I promised her I would put some information together for them over the weekend.

I remember that day so vividly. It was the single worst day of my life. I know the pain those parents are feeling right now, even though I have no idea what their diagnosis was. No matter what it was, I know how much it hurts. How it feels to go through the thousands of thoughts and emotions that hit you when you find out your baby isn't perfect. I know what it is like to mourn the loss of a perfect child. I remember the fear, the disbelief, all of it. So, hopefully, I will be able to provide some information to this couple that will help support them. I am also going to give them my email address and our blog information. I know that the two HLHS mom's I have been in contact with have been a tremendous support for us; they are the only ones who understand. Hopefully DJ and I will be able to provide that support for this couple too. And we were talking about how if they have a similar diagnosis, we would be the perfect family to follow, since we have already been through the pregnancy, and are about to start living the life with a CHD child, they can follow our journey from step #1. Hopefully, they will take us up on that offer.

As the time is coming for Wyatt to arrive, we are just trying to prepare. We have our bags packed for the hospital, in case we have to go unexpectedly. We are both in the process of getting all of our work paperwork straightened out for our leave(s). DJ will be taking a month off to be with us at the hospital and be there for Wyatt's surgery and healing. I will be taking who knows how long off. At the least, we expect I will be off 7-8 months. We are trying to mentally prepare for the financial problems that will come with my no longer working. We are trying to be ready for any behavioral changes that Austyn may have because of Wyatt's arrival, and because of his CHD and his hospital stay. He will also have to deal with the fact that he is used to having Mom and Dad around every single day, and we both will be at the hospital for a while. We are trying to prepare for the pain we will go through, seeing our baby with so many tubes, and cords, and going through his operation, and the things to follow. I assume we can't imagine just how painful it is going to be, we just know it will be painful. 

And I am trying to enjoy these last few weeks of being pregnant. We have decided to have my tubes tied during the C-Section, so these are the last 25 days I will ever be pregnant. I am trying to relish in every kick and punch, and bout of hiccups. 

In case that has piqued anyone's curiosity - DJ and I have had many discussions, and have decided that for us, the risk of having another heart baby isn't one that we are willing to take. We don't feel it would be fair to us, or our friends and family, or Austyn and Wyatt, to have to go through this again. We did want a 3rd child, and originally were talking about trying to get pregnant again shortly after Wyatt's birth, but since receiving his diagnosis, have changed our minds. We just can't imagine going through all this again. We can't imagine putting Austyn through it again, and potentially putting Wyatt through it. And if, as absolutely terrible as it would be, we lost Wyatt, we especially could not imagine trying again. It doesn't seem right or fair, and we aren't willing to do it. We were meant to have these 2 little boys, and we will have them, and that is all. 

"I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, As long as I'm living, My baby you'll be"