Here comes the defeat

Some days I feel really strong. I feel like we can handle this, even though it is going to be difficult. Today is not one of those days.

I decided to log into my health insurance's website to see if the 3 appointments we had 2 weeks ago had been processed yet. They have. All 3 appointments require a co-pay, which was to be expected. That's a total of $150. Not too shabby. Then, there is a bill from the OB we were originally seeing, for all the appointments we had before she sent us to our new high risk OB. I guess the way it works now-a-days is OB's bill under a "Global Billing Fee" which is a flat fee for all pre and post-natal OB care, and delivery. Since our original OB won't be delivering Wyatt, they had to bill us for the appointments we had with them. This comes to about $500. Which is subject to our deductible: i.e. all out of pocket cost for us, until we reach our deductible, then they would cover 80% of the bills. 

While I realize that a total of $650 in medical bills is small compared to the bill we would have received for the global fee after delivery, and is teeny tiny compared to the bills we will receive after Wyatt's arrival and surgeries.....that is the problem. Paying the $650 is going to suck. Let alone all those other bills hovering over our heads. But we don't want to start racking up the medical debt now. Obviously we need to get these guys paid so we are still on a clean slate come October (hopefully).

We've discussed the different ways our lives may change financially because of our upcoming medical costs and the fact that I won't be working. We've considered things like needing to move in with family, having to get rid of a car, etc. It's not as if we don't anticipate the change. I think just seeing these bills from 3 days of care in a doctor's office made it soooo very real for me. We are just average joe's. Normally, we work just to get by. Now, what the hell are we going to do? 

In the end, it doesn't matter what this is all going to cost us, or what material things we might lose. It's just money, and it's just stuff. Stuff that doesn't matter. The most important thing is quality care for Wyatt, and we will do whatever it takes to make sure he gets that. But man, just thinking about the bills can be quite overwhelming.  

Last night at bedtime I read the book "Love you Forever" to Austyn, which my sister - in -law bought for Wyatt. Since then, I have had the mother's song stuck in my head. I think I will focus on that rather than these darn bills:

I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My baby you'll be