Paranoia

Before we got Wyatt's diagnosis, I was paranoid. I just felt like something wasn't right, something was off, something was wrong. Now that we have his diagnosis and are going on 4 weeks of knowing this, I am 100 x more paranoid. Everything I do makes me think, makes me wonder. We spent yesterday at the Renaissance Festival and I couldn't help but think "Is my being out in this heat bad for him? Is walking around like this bad for him?" Then, once we were home and resting, I was freaked out because he didn't get super active the moment I laid down on the couch. Then, this morning, I went to put my shoes on and thought "Is bending over like this hurting him?" We see the OB on Friday, and I am waiting with baited breath for Friday to get here. I am terrified of going to the doctor, for fear that we will have another day like May 22nd, full of terrible, unimaginable news. But, at the same time, being at the doctor, hearing them tell us that Wyatt is doing well, seeing him move around in my belly, and hearing his heart beat makes me feel better for that day. I just want to know when I will get to breathe. When will I get to experience a day that isn't full of fear? I imagine this day is a long ways off. I anticipate this fear and paranoia I have is only going to get worse as his due date approaches, and then after his arrival. It is utterly exhausting worrying ALL the time.


Austyn had a great time at the Renaissance Festival! We went with my in-laws and tried to experience just about everything the festival had to offer. We saw an endangered cat show, ate some food, Austyn and my sister in law rode the King's Swing, we walked the shops, and had wax hands made. Austyn got some horns and a sword from my father in law, we got his wax hand made and a spider painted onto his arm. He got to spend the day with his family who he loves. And then he passed out about 3 seconds after we got in the car to leave. We tuckered that little guy out :) It was good to be out and spending time with him like that, seeing him have fun. We have this summer packed with activities, and DJ and I are starting to think that maybe we are over compensating for the times to come when we have to spend more time than not away from the house for a while to be with Wyatt. But, Austyn doesn't know it and he is thoroughly enjoying himself. 

We got some more of Wyatt's fliers handed out to a few more places, so that is awesome. Big thanks to you blog followers - we have 621 page views as of this morning, that is tremendous! I've got to start brainstorming more ideas to get Wyatt's story out there, and to be able to share with and help others. But, for now, its off to work for another long, tiring week.

After our OB appointment I will post a Wyatt update!