30 week OB appointment

2 weeks ago, when we saw the OB, my AFI (amniotic fluid index) was pretty low, an 8 something. The doctor was concerned, as low amniotic fluid could mean pre-term labor, and told me to drink water, lots of water, and rest whenever possible. So for the past two weeks, I have been taking it easy at home, and drinking at least a gallon of water per day. 

Yesterday, my AFI was a 9 something. Not much better, unfortunately. She said that while it isn't a whole lot better, it isn't worse either, and that they were concerned that it might continue going down in a trend. So, I am supposed to keep doing what I am doing, in hopes of 3 things:
a)Keeping Wyatt in there so he can continue growing as long as possible
b)Keeping me from bed rest
c)Keeping me from being hospitalized.

They did say that if Wyatt is still breech (he has been breech the entire pregnancy), and my fluids get lower, I will be hospitalized in order to get IV fluids so the fluids are going more directly to him, rather to my stomach, in hopes of giving him more room to get turned around in. They prefer a vaginal delivery for Wyatt, as it is better for him because the fluid gets squeezed out of his lungs on his way out.

I would prefer to not have a C-Section, as I don't really want to be healing while I am trying to visit Wyatt in the NICU and deal with his first surgery. The plus side to have a C-Section though, would be that we could have my tubes tied while they are in there. Originally, we were planning on having 3 children total. It sort of depended on if I was able to be home with the kids more, or if I was going to continue being a working mom, but for the most part, I think 3 was in the future for both of us. But after we found out about Wyatt's HLHS, we talked about it, and decided that we shouldn't have any more children. Neither of us can imagine what it would feel like to go through that first 20 weeks of pregnancy, wondering if we were having another heart baby. (the doctors have said that we have a higher chance of having another with a heart defect). And we feel like it would be selfish. Poor Austyn already has to deal with this difficult pregnancy, and all the sadness and emotions that come along with it. Then, he has to deal with the birth of his little brother, who is sick. Then surgery and having Mommy and Daddy gone a lot while Wyatt is in the hospital. And not that it is something I want to think about, but he may also face the loss of his brother. To make him go through another pregnancy would be terrifying for him. I can just see the conversation now. 

Me: "Austyn, there is a baby in Mommy's tummy again"
Austyn: "Is this baby sick too?" 

Not to mention the pain, and worry it would cause us, our family, and our friends. We didn't know there could be something wrong with Wyatt when he was conceived. It wasn't something that ever crossed our minds. But, if we were to get pregnant again, we would both know what those risks were, and if there was something wrong with that baby, we would both have an overwhelming amount of guilt. The way it is now, we have two little boys to love and dote over, and we can just spoil them rotten rather than spreading out our love to one more child.

We see our cardiologist next Friday, as well as our surgeon, the NICU and PICU staff, and we are touring P/SL. It is going to be a big day for us, but I think that doing that all will really make us more prepared. Then we see the OB every Friday until the end of the pregnancy. We will start having weekly non-stress tests, to see if Wyatt's heart is fluctuating in rate like it should be, as well as of course watching his growth and my AFI. We are tentatively planning on an induction at 39 weeks, so we've really only got 8 weeks to go at this point (I'll be 31 weeks on Tuesday).

I am so excited to meet Wyatt, and to touch him, and kiss him, and hold him. And I am absolutely terrified. We have finally gotten to this point where the knowledge of Wyatt's HLHS has become normal, and here in 8 weeks we will be back at square 1. Back at trying to figure out a new normal. Back to the tears, and the pain, and the concern each and every moment of every day. I am taking a 'leave' from work, at least 6 months off, if not a year or more, to be with Wyatt, and be home with the kids when that time comes. Thankfully, DJ is taking a month off of work to be here too during that first month. I don't know what I would do if he wasn't doing that. I am definitely going to need him at that time, and I know that he too will need me. I am hoping, that together, we can handle all of this.