It's the normal things

It's doing the normal things, or thinking about doing normal things, that makes this all so real for me. Last night, I took a bath, read a book, and then laid on the couch and continued to read, until we went to bed, where I read for another hour before going to sleep. And I realized, my days of being able to do these things are very numbered. It was one of those weeks where I just really wanted to go have a Best Friend night, go out with my best friend, sit on a patio at some restaurant, and have a few beers and chat. Unwind, relax, and just be me. Of course, the beers are not an option at this point (but, while we are on the topic, what I wouldn't do to have an ice cold beer right about now lol). But, moreso, I realized that being able to do such a thing is not in my near future. I do not see myself being comfortable enough to leave Wyatt at home to go out and drink a few beers. While I don't necessarily think there is anything wrong with the idea, I just know myself and know that I most likely won't feel comfortable.

All these things that I used to do for fun, to relax, whatever, are going to become a thing of the past. My thoughts and time will be consumed with Wyatt and his health, his needs, how he's doing, etc. and with Austyn, and how he's coping, and feeling, and doing. I have said many times that many of my freedoms went away when Austyn was born. And the remainder of them is about to go, too. Especially at first, while we are still adjusting to being heart parents, still learning about Wyatt, and how he deals with his HLHS. It's a little sad to think about, really.

On Friday, we went to the OB for what should have been a quick sit on the fetal monitor. Instead, we ended up being at the OB's office for 2 hours, because he was deceling, and the doc was not comfortable with that. We ended up having a biophysical profile done, which she said we passed with 100%. But, she wasn't comfortable waiting an entire week to see us again, so we go back on Tuesday for another sit on the fetal monitor. She said that if we end up doing a BPP on Tuesday again, we won't schedule non-stress tests anymore, we will just always do a BPP, as they are a better indicator of how he is doing anyway. My fluid level (AFI) was a 9.59, down just a little bit from last time, and I imagine with Wyatt deceling, and the fact that we've been concerned with my AFI for about 8 weeks now, as soon as that number drops, I will either be hospitalized, or out on bed rest. It is imperative that Wyatt stay in there as long as possible, so his body and lungs can mature as much as possible before surgery. Our OB wants us to get to 39 weeks, but with Wyatt being breech, and the deceling, and the low AFI, I am not convinced we are going to make it to 39. I am thinking that 38 is a more reasonable goal for us. So we will see how that all plays out.

There for a while, going to the doctor wasn't so bad. We were always having good appointments, Wyatt was always doing well, and we didn't really stress about upcoming appointments. Now we are back to the dread before each appointment. Back to wondering what they are going to say, what is going to be wrong this time, and now wondering when we will be sent to the hospital. I told DJ we need to mentally prepare to go at anytime, because they may want me on IV fluids at any given moment. 

All the changes are starting to come, and it seems like it's all at once. And I am sure that will increase 10-fold when Wyatt is actually born. I will be 34 weeks on Tuesday, meaning we have 5 weeks maximum left, before life and its craziness hits, full swing. I just hope we're ready.